prince

The past three weddings in three months in the family of cousins younger than I am brought me into thinking of how my life would be in a few more years. After a long time, I was stricken with loneliness of not having a partner, a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. I was able to shove it off before I felt desperate. I do not feel that sad anymore, though I realize it would be good if I could plan a bit more on this aspect of my life.

Sure, I want to be a lawyer. For the past years, I've been thinking of where I would practice and in what field, etc. I also want to pursue further law studies abroad for a year or two after graduating here, although I know it's almost unattainable since I could not afford it. Still, from time to time, I dwell into that idea. If I can't, well, maybe I should settle with online bachelor degree programs, if they offer law courses.

One thing though, I realize I've been ignoring my personal life. I am so preoccupied with family and work and school that I realize I have no plans for myself, other than be a lawyer. For the first time, I felt a sense of panic (just a little), thinking that there's a probability that I'd spend my lifetime alone. So I thought of planning what to do next. Then again, these things, one cannot plan. And I only see Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother) and Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries) as my princes. So probably I could just hope that it will not be too late for me yet. Or that I'd be happy without a prince.

irreplaceable

Days are running fast, and I could hardly believe only a few days are remaining before my cousin's wedding. It's just that I could hardly see him as a grown man about to start a family. Despite him being 28, I still see him as the favorite grandson, the lola's boy. In our house, I could feel the stress and all sorts of emotions heightened as the "day" nears, especially the loneliness that our grandmother is (poorly) trying to hide with her bad moods.

For some reason, I also feel that loneliness, although to a much lesser degree. I guess it's a normal reaction between family members so accustomed to living together and doing everything together. But of course I know that he's not really going away, although our lives will not be the same as they were. I am hoping it would be happier lives ahead of us, especially when a new baby comes. And I wish my grandmother would sooner than later let go of the child she brought up as her son (as my cousin's mom died when he was just 11) and realize that her apo is no longer a baby and that she will always, always be a part of his life. Of course, she is irreplaceable. =)

the wine label eks and I (only eks really hehe) designed

After the wedding, the couple would go to the States for their honeymoon. I wonder if they are looking for someone fit for tour guide jobs, because if they are, well, the whole family is available. :D

my simplest birthday

By the way, I celebrated my birthday 2 weeks ago. It's probably the quietest, not so" self-centered" birthday I've ever had. All I wanted for a gift was a book from Gaiman, horse riding helmets, and a samurai (or boomerang!) from Australia.

I just had lunch with my mom, dad, and bestfriend eks. Afterward, I watched Immortals with eks (the movie was disappointing), while my parents hurried home to dress up for a relative's wedding at Fernwoods, QC. I promised to follow at the reception, as I want to have a "me" time on my birthday.

After the movie, I went home and spent a few minutes to dress up, then I was off to Fernwoods. That started the worst 2 hours of all the birthdays I've had. Finding a taxi was horrible! In my long tube dress, and while wearing a makeup (thankfully I brought flat shoes), I stood side-by-side with the commuters at the LRT, ran after taxis, walked street to street, took a jeepney, and scoured for a taxi at the middle of Aurora Boulevard.

I arrived at Fernwoods when dinner already began (thank goodness!). And I could only pretend that the sumptuous foods and fully dressed visitors are for my (and for my dad's) birthday. Then again, I don't need those to have a happy birthday. =)

young love, first love

Nothing feels better than being in love---especially the first time. =)

I could only wish I'd feel the same way again. haha. Obviously, this isn't going to be my story.

Since I started living in my current apartment, I have become closer and closer with the children in the neighborhood. I am the neighborhood ate. Honestly, it's just been a year, but they seemed to be much more mature than they were when we first met. From kids, they became teenagers all of a sudden.

Martin is now in sixth grade. Two weeks ago, he's been telling me about a girl that he likes. He told me they're exchanging notes in the classroom through crumpled papers thrown at each other. Reminds me of Ana Roces and Jeffrey Santos. haha. And the first love letters I've written.

Last week, he told me that the girl sent her a text, "oo na". He was all smiles and sparkling eyes while he was talking to me. How cute. =)

Then, just this morning, Day-Day, who used to be Martin's crush, approached me and asked me, "Sinong mas maganda sa amin ni Anneth?" Oh, ok. I didn't know there's going to be a love triangle. As far as I know, she didn't like Martin before. And as far as I know, two weeks ago, they're all just children. They should be playing PC games instead of writing love letters! When Martin approached us, Day-Day left. Ooooh. Tension. Then, Martin told me that he suspects that Day-Day is jealous.

Well, I guess the kilig moments are always accompanied by selos moments. I just wish their first love wouldn't be as painful as that of the others. =)

wanderer

When have we stopped being nomads and started building villages? Surely, I have studied that in elementary, and perhaps at that point, I thought it was progress.

Now, I kinda like the idea of being a nomad...of moving from one place to another. I know there wouldn't be law education there, but I sure will learn a lot. And I don't have to go alone; my family would move with me. We'd only stop for our motorhome repair or to join a fancy festival. At least now, we're "civilized" and have agreed to some natural or common law, so perhaps there wouldn't be that much animosity toward strangers over territory.

What if I belonged to a family of gypsies? We'd be constantly traveling, and exploring, and wandering. We wouldn't have much, but we would never want more. We wouldn't have many friends, but we'd be so, so much closer with each other.

And if I want to be a wanderer, I'd have to do it sooner. I think, as one ages, one clamors for stability and certainty. And that, friends, is coming after me.

everything for love

It was my cousin's wedding yesterday. It was such a beautiful, beautiful wedding, held at Le Jardin Rosella, Tagaytay. Everything was just so organized, and they got only the best videographers, caterers, and florists. And oh, the place, and the atmosphere, was perfect for a such a romantic event.

And we almost missed the event. Months before, my mom was already informed of the wedding. Although she wont admit it, she was really excited. It has been a long time since she has been with relatives from her mother's side. And the clincher, she likes attending formal gatherings. She just enjoys that coat-and-tie-and-evening-gowns-only event, whereas I would evade it if I can. We fitted our old gowns and bought a gift last week, but mom's mind was preparing for it since she knew of the wedding haha.

Yesterday, we left the house at 2 p.m. After 15 minutes of travel, the car was already overheating. It was near a gas station with a service bay area, so we had it checked there. After about an hour, while my mother was throwing tantrums every 5 minutes or so, the mechanic declared that the car cannot be fixed within the day as parts need to be purchased first. At this point, mom was irritated with every person she sees (still the effect of cancer? haha), including dad and me. She wanted to take a taxi to Tagaytay, dad already talked to a taxi in the area, but I opposed the idea. I don't want to pay too much just to get there!! (kuripot ako!). At least I persuaded them to bring the car home first. On the way back, we found a Rapide branch. Mom's eye lighted up a little, but we got the same answer. So she was blaming dad for not knowing that the car would overheat (really!). I was already in a bad mood because she asked me to absent from school for this, and it seemed it was for nothing. Dad was already irritated for mom's incessant blaming.

I was already convinced that we should not go there when we got home. As for the gift we bought, well, we'd just send it to my cousin after a year as an anniversary gift for her. haha. It's too much of a hassle, and after all, we are already 2 hours late from our schedule. But I saw that mom really wanted to go, and I realized she needed to go to these events and have fun, after suffering severe depression for months. Dad perhaps also thought of the same, and before I knew it, dad already found a taxi. In the end, we went there riding a taxi. Fortunately, the taxi driver was a very kind Negrense in his 20s who was as excited as mom was to go to Tagaytay, being his first time.

We arrived at the reception just in time for the main course. Perfect! In the end, though I wont admit it outright, I had a wonderful time as much as my mom did, if not more. =)

P.S.

The only setback was that everybody was asking me when I would be married. haha.

telling a story

I am staring at this monitor for hours already. I have to write something. I thought of halloween, of the end of sembreak, of the coming Christmas, of chiropractor jobs, of the three books I recently read, or of the sickening uneasiness I am feeling.

The truth is I am thinking of so many things right now. I actually have so many things to write about. I have watched movies in the past days much more than I did during the last semester. Damn. I miss "reviewing" movies. Real Steel is a good one.

I wish I could tell a good story right now. There is a good story around me somewhere, I suppose. I just can't find it. Of course, I could speak of depressions and heartaches, but nobody really wants to read that, unless it's told by Nicholas Spark. I like sad endings. That's why I love Cruel Intentions so much. It has a fitting ending, one that strikes the emotions, and one probably more real than fiction---the sad ending, that is.

I fear for the consequences of the past. And I wish I could take a sneak peak in the future. Though recently, I have been thinking it is how it should be. No clues of tomorrow. I mean, do you really want to know?

Will is such a strong concept. I think I have a strong one of that. But so is destiny. And in that, I am clueless.

And oh, there's a book edited by Neil Gaiman I saw at Fully Booked. I wish I could have that right now. I'll bury myself in that book the whole day today, if I could. Maybe after that, I could already tell you a good story. Or tell you a story in a good way.