Wednesday, January 25, 2012


The past three weddings in three months in the family of cousins younger than I am brought me into thinking of how my life would be in a few more years. After a long time, I was stricken with loneliness of not having a partner, a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. I was able to shove it off before I felt desperate. I do not feel that sad anymore, though I realize it would be good if I could plan a bit more on this aspect of my life.

Sure, I want to be a lawyer. For the past years, I've been thinking of where I would practice and in what field, etc. I also want to pursue further law studies abroad for a year or two after graduating here, although I know it's almost unattainable since I could not afford it. Still, from time to time, I dwell into that idea. If I can't, well, maybe I should settle with online bachelor degree programs, if they offer law courses.

One thing though, I realize I've been ignoring my personal life. I am so preoccupied with family and work and school that I realize I have no plans for myself, other than be a lawyer. For the first time, I felt a sense of panic (just a little), thinking that there's a probability that I'd spend my lifetime alone. So I thought of planning what to do next. Then again, these things, one cannot plan. And I only see Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother) and Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries) as my princes. So probably I could just hope that it will not be too late for me yet. Or that I'd be happy without a prince.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012


Days are running fast, and I could hardly believe only a few days are remaining before my cousin's wedding. It's just that I could hardly see him as a grown man about to start a family. Despite him being 28, I still see him as the favorite grandson, the lola's boy. In our house, I could feel the stress and all sorts of emotions heightened as the "day" nears, especially the loneliness that our grandmother is (poorly) trying to hide with her bad moods.

For some reason, I also feel that loneliness, although to a much lesser degree. I guess it's a normal reaction between family members so accustomed to living together and doing everything together. But of course I know that he's not really going away, although our lives will not be the same as they were. I am hoping it would be happier lives ahead of us, especially when a new baby comes. And I wish my grandmother would sooner than later let go of the child she brought up as her son (as my cousin's mom died when he was just 11) and realize that her apo is no longer a baby and that she will always, always be a part of his life. Of course, she is irreplaceable. =)

the wine label eks and I (only eks really hehe) designed

After the wedding, the couple would go to the States for their honeymoon. I wonder if they are looking for someone fit for tour guide jobs, because if they are, well, the whole family is available. :DLink