THE application

Last week, I applied to the legal aid bureau of our law school. The said organization goes to barangays and offers legal advice to the people therein. I thought it might be a good way of starting to contribute to society with my legal knowledge. After all, that's what I've always wanted or what I've envisioned myself doing.

I was hesitant at first, knowing that there are only limited slots available to students. Many of the top third-year students applied, so I know there's a slim chance I'd get accepted. There's a much more serious consideration though for my hesitation. I'll tell you in a while.

The interview didn't really go well. There are three parts, the last part being question and answer on random law subjects. There were objective questions and hypos. I was asked twice on criminal law, once on obligations and contracts, once on corporation law, and once on legal ethics. Unfortunately, the first three questions require memory from first year, and in that, I think I didn't do well. But it's okay, at least I tried!

There remains one requirement which I am yet to do. And this is what I fear most. I have to submit a VIDEO of myself showcasing a TALENT! There lies the problem. I have NO talent. I know because I've TRIED both singing and dancing, and the conclusion: talent just isn't for me.

Prior to my teen years, I used to play the piano. But that was more than a decade ago, and I can hardly read chords now. I'm wondering if I could still learn to play a guitar (because that's what I've always wanted to learn) before the end of March (submission date).

I found a website full of beautiful guitars (and other instruments). So now, I am daydreaming that I can still achieve my "rock star dream." Look at this orange Gretsch electric guitar:

or this black Gibson one:

There are many other music instruments in the website I saw.

The site says Leap Year Extended (offer change from 1 day Sale), so take a look if you have time.

I admit I don't know much about guitar (except that I know that Gretsch and Fender are popular guitar brands, being the names of my guitarist friend's children). Still, they're enjoyable to look at. And it's always a good feeling reminiscing, or reliving, childhood fantasies. All I have to do now is bring them to life... if not in front of a crowd, at least in my video application. =)

fallacy of the golden past

I went to UP Fair this year, after being absent for several years. There were obvious differences between the fair when I was in college and the fair now. For starters, the camera and the big screens were high-tech already. Before, the camera was manned by a person sitting on top of a makeshift tower. Now, the camera is similar to those used in concert venues. Asensado na ang UP!

But the thing I have realized is that I and my contemporaries are sooo behind with regard to the latest songs. We still like the alternative, punk, and rock genres, but the songs we know are limited from the 1990s to early 2000s. We're stuck in our time. haha. When the rock bands were performing on stage, the crowd was loud, singing along with the bands. We, on the other hand, were dumbfounded on the songs. We don't know a single line! It's like our national anthem was changed, only we don't know about it. haha.

During videoke nights with my law school classmates, who are several years younger than me, I'd always sing my favorite videoke pieces (the few that "suit" my voice): torn, kiss me, manila girl, every little thing (police's version), one of us, teenaged dirtbag, and Alanis' songs. I noticed that most of my classmates could not relate. haha. (Actually I don't care. I just want to sing with my monotonous tone!)

Last month, my teenaged cousin asked my mom to buy a certain microphone for him. It's a 5,000-peso so mic, and I haven't got a clue on what it can do. He also has several guitars and peavey 6505, none of which I know the functions of. Iba na talaga ang tumatanda.

My ignorance to newer good songs and rising bands is the fault if NU107.5 (the best rock station this country has known) closing down. OR maybe I am stuck in my generation, feeling that all things beautiful and all sounds great came from my time and the time before it. haha. I never thought I'd fall for the fallacy of the golden past.

Well, at least I realize it now. I just have to listen ( so NU, please come back!) to appreciate. Aba, mahirap ng mapag-iwanan ng panahon. =)

nonchalance and indifference

I think I have stopped (seriously) writing on this and my other blog because I have stopped wanting to confront (serious) things. I think one comes to a point when you just don't wanna struggle and let things be, or let things pass, or let things resolve themselves. Sometimes you just stop arranging the perpetual mess in your closet or computer cabinet because it never stops to be messy, with fault not yours alone. And believe me, I don't perceive this as negative.

But this nonchalant behavior works only on constant pressures and permanent problems in my life. It doesn't work when something big just blows up---something I wish had NEVER happened at all, and something I have never wanted to confront. It also doesn't work when unexpectedly, when you are keeping your cool and trying to be positive, someone puts you in rage (and of course, only someone so close to you can elicit such strong emotion). And this is what is negative---my tendency to totally shut out a person in my life as if such person does not exist at all, my impenetrable indifference.

prince

The past three weddings in three months in the family of cousins younger than I am brought me into thinking of how my life would be in a few more years. After a long time, I was stricken with loneliness of not having a partner, a feeling I haven't felt for a long time. I was able to shove it off before I felt desperate. I do not feel that sad anymore, though I realize it would be good if I could plan a bit more on this aspect of my life.

Sure, I want to be a lawyer. For the past years, I've been thinking of where I would practice and in what field, etc. I also want to pursue further law studies abroad for a year or two after graduating here, although I know it's almost unattainable since I could not afford it. Still, from time to time, I dwell into that idea. If I can't, well, maybe I should settle with online bachelor degree programs, if they offer law courses.

One thing though, I realize I've been ignoring my personal life. I am so preoccupied with family and work and school that I realize I have no plans for myself, other than be a lawyer. For the first time, I felt a sense of panic (just a little), thinking that there's a probability that I'd spend my lifetime alone. So I thought of planning what to do next. Then again, these things, one cannot plan. And I only see Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother) and Damon Salvatore (Vampire Diaries) as my princes. So probably I could just hope that it will not be too late for me yet. Or that I'd be happy without a prince.

irreplaceable

Days are running fast, and I could hardly believe only a few days are remaining before my cousin's wedding. It's just that I could hardly see him as a grown man about to start a family. Despite him being 28, I still see him as the favorite grandson, the lola's boy. In our house, I could feel the stress and all sorts of emotions heightened as the "day" nears, especially the loneliness that our grandmother is (poorly) trying to hide with her bad moods.

For some reason, I also feel that loneliness, although to a much lesser degree. I guess it's a normal reaction between family members so accustomed to living together and doing everything together. But of course I know that he's not really going away, although our lives will not be the same as they were. I am hoping it would be happier lives ahead of us, especially when a new baby comes. And I wish my grandmother would sooner than later let go of the child she brought up as her son (as my cousin's mom died when he was just 11) and realize that her apo is no longer a baby and that she will always, always be a part of his life. Of course, she is irreplaceable. =)

the wine label eks and I (only eks really hehe) designed

After the wedding, the couple would go to the States for their honeymoon. I wonder if they are looking for someone fit for tour guide jobs, because if they are, well, the whole family is available. :D

my simplest birthday

By the way, I celebrated my birthday 2 weeks ago. It's probably the quietest, not so" self-centered" birthday I've ever had. All I wanted for a gift was a book from Gaiman, horse riding helmets, and a samurai (or boomerang!) from Australia.

I just had lunch with my mom, dad, and bestfriend eks. Afterward, I watched Immortals with eks (the movie was disappointing), while my parents hurried home to dress up for a relative's wedding at Fernwoods, QC. I promised to follow at the reception, as I want to have a "me" time on my birthday.

After the movie, I went home and spent a few minutes to dress up, then I was off to Fernwoods. That started the worst 2 hours of all the birthdays I've had. Finding a taxi was horrible! In my long tube dress, and while wearing a makeup (thankfully I brought flat shoes), I stood side-by-side with the commuters at the LRT, ran after taxis, walked street to street, took a jeepney, and scoured for a taxi at the middle of Aurora Boulevard.

I arrived at Fernwoods when dinner already began (thank goodness!). And I could only pretend that the sumptuous foods and fully dressed visitors are for my (and for my dad's) birthday. Then again, I don't need those to have a happy birthday. =)

young love, first love

Nothing feels better than being in love---especially the first time. =)

I could only wish I'd feel the same way again. haha. Obviously, this isn't going to be my story.

Since I started living in my current apartment, I have become closer and closer with the children in the neighborhood. I am the neighborhood ate. Honestly, it's just been a year, but they seemed to be much more mature than they were when we first met. From kids, they became teenagers all of a sudden.

Martin is now in sixth grade. Two weeks ago, he's been telling me about a girl that he likes. He told me they're exchanging notes in the classroom through crumpled papers thrown at each other. Reminds me of Ana Roces and Jeffrey Santos. haha. And the first love letters I've written.

Last week, he told me that the girl sent her a text, "oo na". He was all smiles and sparkling eyes while he was talking to me. How cute. =)

Then, just this morning, Day-Day, who used to be Martin's crush, approached me and asked me, "Sinong mas maganda sa amin ni Anneth?" Oh, ok. I didn't know there's going to be a love triangle. As far as I know, she didn't like Martin before. And as far as I know, two weeks ago, they're all just children. They should be playing PC games instead of writing love letters! When Martin approached us, Day-Day left. Ooooh. Tension. Then, Martin told me that he suspects that Day-Day is jealous.

Well, I guess the kilig moments are always accompanied by selos moments. I just wish their first love wouldn't be as painful as that of the others. =)