Friday, July 10, 2009

On My Way

It is near 7 pm (my class starts at 6:30), and I am stuck in an unmoving line to the jeepney. This now is my first horrendous experience of Manila rain, plaguing this old city and making practically everyone wet and hot(-tempered).

I am writing this now in my scratch paper. I think it best to do something that relaxes, not dwell on something that stresses. After all, I miss writing.

Since I started law school, I barely had time to pause. Life for me now consists of constant running around, trying to accomplish everything all at once. I have doubts on whether I can maintain this work-school life—but necessity compels one to do what one must. I am doing what I must.

Some have already dropped a subject; others totally withdrew. Those working resorted to resigning. I did neither, though at times envy comes to me. I motivated myself never to give up, no, not in this one. Not to give up, even when hope is gone. This is my resolve now.

Now, I am seating in front of the jeepney, scribbling in the absence of reasonable light, with the thin cloth barely shielding me from the fury of the rain. I am still scribbling, fighting the ill temper yet to succumb my being.

It is now 7:40 (my class ends at 7:30). I arrived at the campus running, terribly hoping I could still plead to the Dom to recognize my attendance. Surely, a monk would hear my pleas. There was no class, but a mass with attendance. There was no class even after that. Never had I been so frustrated that there are no classes. Waiting on traffic, falling on lines, braving the rain and the flood, all for a stroke of my name on a paper? Truly unrewarding.

It is 9:17. I have been waiting for 40 minutes already, again on an unmoving line, festered by hunger. I am still holding this folded scratch paper, not bothering to use an umbrella to protect me from the dripping rain. My hands can only hold this pen and paper.

I am thinking of how life had been so hard to me, and how so many people do not know it and do not know why. I am thinking of how I survived the blows and the recurring pain. Here I am now standing, not a bit comfortable. But I am writing. I am ignoring. I am at the beginning, my beginning.

It is 9:48 pm. I have reached home. I have reached my destiny.

14 comments:

eks said...

i knew it would be a lot clearer if i read this -- nawawala ka kasi sa fone e. hehehe. na-achieve mo yung intended purpose niya. peksman.

hey, don't you give up. they say, "in a battle between you and the world, always bet on the world." :-) but in your case, you have my vote. ;-)

Rico said...

Eto pala yun. Naku, start pa lang yan. Imagine doing that every day. Kung hindi ka basa ng ulan, basa ka naman ng pawis. Just think "delayed gratification." In a few years, you'll be harvesting the fruits of your labor. And I wish I'd be there to celebrate with you. I'm sure it's going to be sweet! Good luck! If they can do it, so can you.

jeanny said...

Grabe ang hirap di ba....pero it's so rewarding naman after all the hardship! :)

Go girl!!!1

kg said...

i can just imagine you mordsith. lalo na yung frustration na walang class! he! he!

keep your eyes on the goal and you won't get lost. mahirap talaga yan, but when you reach the end, super sarap naman ng feeling! aza ! aza! fighting!

onyxx said...

i know exactly what you mean. sometimes it's so easy to lose sight of why you're doing something in the first place. times like these... you can only move forward, or else lose your place in the race :)

anyway, i feel sure you have it in you to hurdle these trials. remember, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger heheheh

prinsesamusang said...

hey hey i am very proud of you for being very focused go go go and when a time comes that i read a post of yours saying that you would want to give up i will be a constant reminder of this post good luck to you!

Cza said...

Go lang ng go... :) Good luck!

BIG.BAD.EJ said...

kaya mo yan, gerl.

now i realize why i don't see you often, and why we haven't been in the same old chit-chat-beso level for quite a time now.

do that which makes you happy. if, in the end, the product of all this ordeal will make you truly happy, then go.

however, i'm the person who will always tell you that if this is giving you more rain than sunshine, you always have the freedom to beg off. i do the same for myself. if i come to realize that the end goal is not actually worth what i'm going through now, I DO BEG OFF.

the bottomline: YOUR HAPPINESS. :)

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