nonchalance and indifference

I think I have stopped (seriously) writing on this and my other blog because I have stopped wanting to confront (serious) things. I think one comes to a point when you just don't wanna struggle and let things be, or let things pass, or let things resolve themselves. Sometimes you just stop arranging the perpetual mess in your closet or computer cabinet because it never stops to be messy, with fault not yours alone. And believe me, I don't perceive this as negative.

But this nonchalant behavior works only on constant pressures and permanent problems in my life. It doesn't work when something big just blows up---something I wish had NEVER happened at all, and something I have never wanted to confront. It also doesn't work when unexpectedly, when you are keeping your cool and trying to be positive, someone puts you in rage (and of course, only someone so close to you can elicit such strong emotion). And this is what is negative---my tendency to totally shut out a person in my life as if such person does not exist at all, my impenetrable indifference.