broken

Everything has a purpose, even machines.

Clocks tell the time, and trains take you places.

They do what they're meant to do.

Like Monsieur Cabisse

Maybe that's why broken machines make me so sad.

They can't do what they're meant to do.

Maybe it's the same with people.

If you lose your purpose, it's like you're broken.

--- Hugo Cabret, from the film Hugo

(near) the end of third year

This is what I will be like after Saturday.

I am looking forward to the end of the semester. But of course, prior to that, I should pass through the "finals" stage first, and hope to be successful at that. At this point, I should already be used to taking long and difficult exams, but up to now, I still feel serious anxiety anticipating the exams, instead of just preparing for it. It's probably because, compared with other students, I have more to lose in failing, being a working student and all, not to mention that I should have entered and finished law school several years already.

I guess it's in my nature to scare myself to compel myself. I guess different things work for different people. I hope this one would still work. For now, I just want to sit in our outdoor glider and internalize the exams.

Please wish me luck on my finals. =)

fleeting

Aaron was the boy whom my mom met, and came to love, during her month-long radiation at Medical City. He had brain cancer, stage 4, but he was still a 10-year-old boy who played with toy guns.

His radiation treatment was funded by PCSO. He was a PGH patient, but it was Medical City which has radiation facilities. Although his daily radiation session was paid by the government, the travel expenses and the medicines were not. He and his ate traveled every day from Bulacan to Manila, although there were days when they missed radiation sessions for they did not have money to pay the bus.

It's a good thing that, among his "classmates" at radiation, there were kind souls. Growing fond of the boy, and having sympathy at his "poor" life, some contributed money while some gave him clothes. He was especially happy about the baseball cap and the new shirt he got one time; he wore those a lot. At this juncture, I would like to thank my friends who contributed money to help Aaron's treatment. His family was most grateful to all your help. His mother said, "salamat sa inyo, kahit hindi niyo kami kadugo."

After radiation, it was a miracle that the tumors in his brain dissipated. I believed it was a miracle, as even at the start, the doctors were not so hopeful he would get well. So he bid goodbye to Medical City and continued his checkups at PGH.

Sometimes, Aaron would call my mom, tell her not to worry about him, and that she should herself get well. He even invited me to a procession in Bulacan as he was a part of it. I said I could not come but that I am happy he's strong now.

Then, there came news from his family that his health was plummeting. Doctors said he should undergo chemo, but in the end, his family decided not to for various reasons. I wanted to help and decided that once I earn from my food business, I'd share some with him, if only to help him ease his chronic headache. Unfortunately, though, until now, I have very poor sales, mostly because of wrong location.

Now, his ate just called, crying. Aaron left already.

Nothing is as fleeting as the life of a child taken away. This is just plain sad.

THE application

Last week, I applied to the legal aid bureau of our law school. The said organization goes to barangays and offers legal advice to the people therein. I thought it might be a good way of starting to contribute to society with my legal knowledge. After all, that's what I've always wanted or what I've envisioned myself doing.

I was hesitant at first, knowing that there are only limited slots available to students. Many of the top third-year students applied, so I know there's a slim chance I'd get accepted. There's a much more serious consideration though for my hesitation. I'll tell you in a while.

The interview didn't really go well. There are three parts, the last part being question and answer on random law subjects. There were objective questions and hypos. I was asked twice on criminal law, once on obligations and contracts, once on corporation law, and once on legal ethics. Unfortunately, the first three questions require memory from first year, and in that, I think I didn't do well. But it's okay, at least I tried!

There remains one requirement which I am yet to do. And this is what I fear most. I have to submit a VIDEO of myself showcasing a TALENT! There lies the problem. I have NO talent. I know because I've TRIED both singing and dancing, and the conclusion: talent just isn't for me.

Prior to my teen years, I used to play the piano. But that was more than a decade ago, and I can hardly read chords now. I'm wondering if I could still learn to play a guitar (because that's what I've always wanted to learn), and win trophy cups for playing, before the end of March (submission date).

I found a website full of beautiful guitars (and other instruments). So now, I am daydreaming that I can still achieve my "rock star dream." Look at this orange Gretsch electric guitar:

or this black Gibson one:

I admit I don't know much about guitar (except that I know that Gretsch and Fender are popular guitar brands, being the names of my guitarist friend's children). Still, they're enjoyable to look at. And it's always a good feeling reminiscing, or reliving, childhood fantasies. All I have to do now is bring them to life... if not in front of a crowd, at least in my video application. =)