Thursday, September 6, 2012


Where do I start?

I have been gone for a long time, a month and 2 days to be exact. I don't know if anyone missed me here, but I sure miss my friends and their blogs. Aside from not writing, I haven't been reading as well. Writing has become, or had become, some sort of a task to me, a task that makes me burdened and unhappy. Here's the thing: I wanted to write overemotional stuff, with matching cynical moods and somber thoughts, but I did not want to put that in writing and actually read it; it will only make it more real to me.

I have no excuse for not reading, but I know you guys will not hate me for that. kayni, wits, docgelo, angeli, sheng, jeanny, kg -- you are my (oldest) friends here (well, I know kg personally) and I hope you know that I have always enjoyed reading your posts and "watching" your lives. I hope all is well with you.

If I had seen a psychiatrist, he'd perhaps say I have suffered from a depressive episode. There was not one single thing that made me so sad, and so long at that, but it just happened. Perhaps I just reached my saturation point and got tired of "understanding" and "hoping" (such complex concepts!). I sort of struggled to surpass this episode, and of course, I was very careful for people close to me not to notice.

So what did I do? First, I try not to mind and go on with my life. Second, I have watched lots of TV series, and I have finished them all. StarWars Clone Wars, Legend of Aang, Legend of Korra, Suits, and Political Animal. I have finished every episode of every (or latest) season of these shows --- all within a month. The only setback was I've had disappointing recitations for the last weeks (which made my feelings worse, but then I just watched again), but it's okay. Ganun talaga. Extra challenge. Of course, there were still the unusual disappointments in "real" life, but I was too busy being not depressed; I did not give a damn to them.

So where am I now? I am desaturating. I guess I'm trying to bounce back, though I am not really there yet. Whether I could make it, only time can tell. But I guess so.

That's why I did not see a psychiatrist. Because we Filipinos are strong in that sense. We just bounce back.


Angeli said...

i may not comment all the time but i always read what you write. i also understand your need for silence and distance from everyone else.

witsandnuts said...

I will not ever be magtatampo. There's always a reason kasi. Minsan nga hindi kelangan ng dahilan di ba?

Sending you hugs! Be sure to catch it. ;)